How To Set Boundaries With Toxic People

You teach people how to treat you

Last week we talked about turning fear into fuel. A healthy relationship with fear will incentivize you to grow, until the things you once feared seem small in comparison.

Today, we’re going to chat about one of the most common things we fear: loneliness. One of the hardest parts of growing up is leaving people behind. However, if you want to grow, you have no choice but to sever ties with people who hold you back.

• Maybe they don’t see any value in the lifestyle you’re pursuing, so they criticize you for choosing to be different
• Maybe your discipline makes them feel embarrassed because they have no ambition, so they try to tear you down
• Maybe they’re passive-aggressive assholes projecting their insecurities onto you

Here’s the painful truth — when you really break it down, no one gives a shit about you. Not your friends. Not your boss. Not your parents. Not your kids. And honestly, you shouldn’t expect them to, because your goals, your safety, and your personal growth are all 100% your responsibility.

You’re the only person on the planet with your skills, your perspective, and your regrets. You have a unique role to play in the story of the Earth. You can own it, or you can bitch about it. It’s up to you.

Quote of the Week

“When someone is properly grounded in life, they shouldn’t have to look outside themselves for approval.” — Epictetus

Most people are terrified of being alone. When they’re alone — and they aren’t distracted or busy — there’s nothing to silence their darkest thoughts:

• Why am I here?
• Have I wasted my potential?
• Will I ever right my wrongs?
• Are my goals out of reach?
• Do I believe the things I say, or am I just full of shit?
• Who the fuck am I, really?
• Do I even want to be alive?

If you want to stop living according to the whims of other people, you need to set boundaries. Even well-meaning people can draw you off course and shipwreck your life. You’ll only find joy when you develop the courage to chart your own course — and to fight tooth and nail against anyone who tries to mutiny you as captain of your own life.

That means you need to start saying no to a lot of shit. Unfortunately, when you start saying no, you start losing friends. It’s only fair — the street goes both ways, and when you begin to prioritize yourself, it means turning your back and walking away from people that tie you to old habits and patterns of thinking.

You shouldn’t expect anyone to stick around waiting for you or to welcome you back after you’ve walked away. However, as you work to build a better life, you’ll discover that some people will continue to cheer you on from afar — and they’ll always be there to celebrate your major milestones.

Those people are worth their weight in gold.

Question of the Week

In what ways are you allowing other people’s perceptions, desires, or opinions to hold you back from chasing the destiny that calls you?

Live On Purpose // Die Without Regrets

Hey, I’m Chris. I’m a writer, musician, and philosopher. My “life’s work” is to create content that helps people live on purpose and die without regrets.

Each week, I publish tweets, newsletters, podcasts, and videos that apply the wisdom of the past to modern life.

I draw these weekly lessons from ancient philosophies like Stoicism, Taoism, and Zen, along with examples from the lives of great women and men who lived and died long ago.

Want to grow together? Subscribe here to get these bite-size meditations delivered straight to your inbox every week.

***This article originally appeared on the official Roses from Bones blog***